Posted on

The Total Outdoorsman Skills & Tools

All right, let’s see, what do we have today? What do we have today… “Skills and Tools”, you see it.

“The Total Outdoorsman.” Excuse me, that’s just gross. I apologize. Excuse me. But you know, I don’t want to get sick. All right. So we got camping. Wow, a whole bunch of camping stuff. Fishing. What is that? Oh, look at that. Aren’t you going to burn- I would swear up and down that you’d burn the sticks, but whatever. Hunting. Survival. Yeah, wow. This is way more intense than I thought.

Okay. We’re going to do the survival. I’m a firm believer… You don’t need to know everything in life, but you got to need to know a little bit of something. Right? So yes. The probability of us being stuck in the middle of nowhere and we going to have to survive to stay alive, it’s not probable, right.

The chance that’s happening, it’s probably one in 1 billion. Right? But in that one in 1 billion chance, it’s good to halfway kind of know what you’re talking about. Right? I mean, look at “Walking Dead.” “Walking Dead” could have happened to anybody. All right. We got the Corona Virus going out, can convert into turning zombies. No, just kidding, but you understand what I’m talking about. That sometimes you just kind of need to know what’s going on. I mean, this is all, it’s not a lie. This is pretty interesting. “Pack a one-day survival kit, pack a one-week, multiperson survival kit, beat the bugs, make waterproof matches, shave the day, reuse a shotshell, stay alive with toilet paper.” Okay. I’m sorry. That’s the one we’re going to just cause that got me. Where did it- Where was it? I know you guys seen it, “stay alive with toilet paper.” Here we go, three one two.

Yeah. This is actually really interesting. Wow.

Well, we’re supposed to go like 300 or something, but this is important. This is “rate an insect sting.”

Just cause you know, sometimes you’re outside. I got stung by a bee one time and had to go straight to the hospital. Cause I almost died. I said, “if you didn’t make it to the hospital within like the 30 minute…” Oh, I made it to the ambulance station, cause I was kind of in the boonies and then the ambulance had to shoot me with some something and he said if he didn’t shoot it to me right then and there then I probably would have suffocated myself cause of the swelling. I think I got stung in the leg. So this is very important. Zero, you didn’t know you got stung, so that’s kind of like a mosquito. One, sweat bee or a single fire ant, aggravating, swat-worthy, continue your normal activity.

If you get bit by a whole bunch of fire ants, you’re not going to continue. You’re going to be screaming and crying and cussing and trying to get them off of you. And then you might be able to start. But yeah, those little guys bite and they bite a lot at one time. The honeybee’s signature sting, involuntary jerking of limb, howl of pain, application of wet tobacco. So if you didn’t know, I thought that was more of a Southern thing. I didn’t know it was a worldwide thing. So if you get stung by a bee or maybe even a spider, not everybody has tobacco on them. If you so happen to have tobacco, if you have a cigarette, break the cigarette in your mouth, put some of it in your mouth, get it all nice and wet where it’s nice and basically gross. And then you stick it on wherever you were stung. Right? It helps. It sucks out the poison or the stinger, one of the two. We’re talking a harvester ant. Okay, wait a minute now.

So I’ve always thought that when I get stung, it’s just a single fire ant, but we’re talking about a harvester ant pain that endures for four to eight hours, associated with snarling obscenities, much hopping up and down. There could be tears. Your fishing trip is over. Wow. Maybe I haven’t been hit by a harvest ant, but I have been hit where it’s like, “Man, this is ridiculous. This thing won’t stop hurting.” Here you go.

Only three critters are known to be capable of delivering such life-changing wallop: the tarantula hawk- Well, if it’s a bloody hawk, yeah, that makes sense. The warrior wasp and the bullet ant. That doesn’t even sound good. A warrior wasp, gosh, of course. Of the three only the- pictured right. So there it is. No, that does not look like a hawk at all. That looks like a monster bee, man. That thing looks huge. “It’s found in North America. Schmidt described level four pain as ‘running hair dryer has just been dropped in your bubble bath.'” Yeah, I can imagine. Look at that. If this is the thing he’s stabbing you with- where’s my finger. If that’s the thing he’s stabbing him with. Oh, man. Yeah, I could see how that would hurt. You know what I’m saying? We didn’t really get very far into this survival guide, but that was really interesting. I don’t know if maybe it wasn’t for you guys, but it was for me.

“Make a Slingshot.” What if you don’t have any of this stuff with you? Hold up, that is cool.

This looks miserable. It tells you how to get it out, construct a fish weir-

Oh yeah, buddy. What I’m going to do- Just cause it’s not like a whole bunch of them. They’re like a paragraph, a piece. I could be asked you for a lot on getting a hook out of your finger, but at the end I can only get to the point so far, or deviate from the point so much to get filler words. So, what I’m going to do- I liked this two or three different fishing to stopping the bleeding. I like all that. So what I’m going to do is I’m going to have a little- Wait a minute. “Here are suggestions for choosing, Altoid Survival Kit, choose how many you think you may need and can fit with the…”

What I’ll do is, is I will kind of go over more in depth later on, and go through more than just one thing. Just cause one’s not enough.