The past is a funny thing, it is equivalent to our shadow in that it continuously follows us. Every future moment will eventually become a past moment, in our distant memory. With this statement in mind it raises a great question, If every future moment will eventually be a past moment then why do we focus so hard on past events opposed to future events. It goes with this saying if you don’t like your past then change your future. Phrases like “I wish I did this”, “I never have any money”, “if I had just waited” or “I was at the wrong place at the wrong time” are indicative of a person who focuses more time on the past then on the future. To better explain this, imagine a person who always holds a grudge, what is the one thing we all wish they would do? LET IT GO!!! When we hold onto a grudge we think we are “winning” or we have power over the situation, a person with “power and control” issues usually has hard times with letting things go. For some reason people with “power and control” issues feed off of being stubborn and difficult, in their minds letting go is the same as losing. What they don’t see or understand is that always holding that grudge and living in the past they become stagnant and miss out on great opportunities. Sometimes your worst enemy will become your best friend.
A perfect example of how holding a grudge and being stuck in the past can and will be detrimental to any relationship. Four years ago I met the woman of my dreams, she was perfect in every sense of the word. I made a huge mistake, a mistake that most women would have run and never looked back. I broke my goddess’ heart, she did not however run from me she did something that looking back was way worse. She held and still holds a grudge, in her mind, she has won. Everything we dreamed of doing together she did with someone else. She stopped taking pictures with me, (to this day we have no pictures together after the first time we met), she has become non-agreeable, saying no to everything I suggest. One of her dreams was to come to America, so I opened a business for us but she wanted no part of it because of her new boyfriend. I offered to put her name on some of my property so that she would own land in America, but she would not listen to any of it. I tried to show her how to make more money online but again will not listen to anything. The terribly sad thing and the reason I am explaining this is after all the no’s and years of my trying to love her she has grown a bond to me, because we have been able to grow in my perception of the world, But in her world, we are still stagnant and have never progressed.
In the short term holding that grudge and traveling with a different man, made her happy “she was in control” but there is always a downside to always being right and holding onto the past. After the four years the risk she has, has become much greater, if I leave and find someone else then she loses four years of friendship (because I opened my heart to her) but I, on the other hand, lose nothing, because she gave me nothing. So in the end holding on to the grudge fueled her motivation, but since she is still in my life 4 years later. She made a horrible life choice by holding on to the grudge, four years we could have built an amazing relationship and maybe become a family by now. But because of not letting go she has drained all the life out of the relationship. This is a personal experience but think in your life about how not letting go has forced you to become stagnant like the love of my life has become in our relationship, it does not just have to be with a different person. How many times have you not forgiven yourself for a past action, by holding on to the past we only get stuck.
By no means am I perfect at this but I do always try and give chances, people might not change but situations do.